Stewie's Interviews
Johnny Depp
Stewie:
Okay. Hello future
victims. Today I’m interviewing Johnny Depp. How are you?
Johnny Depp: I’m doing pretty
well.
Stewie: Great answer, Joanne.
Johnny: It’s Johnny.
Stewie: Sorry, Joanne. Now in
the summer blockbuster, Pirates of the Caribbean, I just
have to say, well done! I mean, you are a great actress.
Johnny: I’m an actor.
Stewie: Oh! Well then I have to
say, did you take acting lessons from Alicia Silverstone?
Because you really sucked! I mean, I’m doing a pretty good
job acting right now. I’m acting like I am actually enjoying
this frickin’ interview.
Johnny: I’m not really enjoying
this interview either.
Stewie: Anyway, what was that
one good horror movie you were in?
Johnny: A Nightmare on Elm
Street?
Stewie: No, the horror movie
that didn’t suck.
Johnny: Sleepy Hollow?
Stewie: Are you even listening
to me Julie? I said the movie that didn’t suck.
Johnny: From Hell?
Stewie: How dare you swear in
this interview. I should find some hair spray right now and
spray it in your eyes… By the way, you have beautiful eyes.
Johnny: What the…
Stewie: Anyway, what horror
movie that didn’t suck were you in?
Johnny:
Secret Window?
Stewie: No.
Oh, I got it. The good horror movie that you were in was
Panic Room.
Johnny:
That was a Jodie Foster movie.
Stewie: Jodie Foster? Well, you
two look a lot alike. I’m sure everyone has mistaken you for
Jodie Foster.
Johnny: I’m getting kind of
angry now.
Stewie: You’re angry? You’re
angry?!?!? You aren’t the person who has to interview you!
You aren’t the person who has to sit through your movies.
Don’t you dare tell me that you are angry. We don’t talk
about are feelings here. This isn’t Oprah.
Johnny: Sorry, Stewie.
Stewie: You’re going to be sorry
if you don’t stop talking about your feelings. Now you were
born in Kentucky, right?
Johnny: Yes. How did you know I
was born in Kentucky?
Stewie: Well, you seem a little
dumb so I just supposed that your parents are cousins.
Johnny: My parents are not
cousins.
Stewie: Siblings? I’m just
kidding, Jamie.
Johnny: My name is Johnny.
Johnny!!!
Stewie: Well you’ll have to
excuse me; I’ve never really watched the credits in any of
your movies. I’m asleep way before the credits start
rolling.
Johnny: Did you even get the
concept of any of the movies I made?
Stewie: I got the concepts of
the movies. But, what is the concept of your ridiculous hair
style. Well, this concludes this crappy interview with the
horrific actress, Julia Roberts.
Johnny: I’m
Johnny Depp.
Stewie: Of
course you are. Well, Bonnie…
Johnny:
Johnny.
Stewie: Well
Johnny, I’ll see you in hell, along with all of your movies.
This ends the interview. This is Stewie saying “Watch your
back because I’m behind you with a knife.” Good bye.
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