Stewie: Hello dumb asses! Welcome to another God awful interview filled with insults. Today, we have a person who doesn’t know what the hell a sentence is. If you are a frickin’ moron and didn’t read the title of this interview, I’m interviewing Jeff “No comma” Gordon. How are you doing Jeff?

Jeff Gordon: I’m doing great Stewie. I do not appreciate however, the fact that I do not use English properly. It is not true.

Stewie: Indeed. Then if what you stated two seconds ago is not true, then why did you say it was a fact…? Take your time on this one. I don’t want you to think to hard. I’ll give you a moment… A moment is like a second… A second is like a sixtieth of a minute… A minute can be compared to…

Jeff Gordon: Would you shut up complain about me didn’t come here to be insulted and I might leave.

Stewie: Thank you for proving my first point in my first documented statement. A document is like an essay or a manuscript.

Jeff Gordon: I know what a document is I’m not stupid are you?

Stewie: Did you “not make the grade” on any of your language arts classes. Ha! You probably had a language arts class and spelled language “Laungage Arrts,” didn’t you?

Jeff Gordon: Quit being such a bastard. That’s right, I said it. Bastard. Ha! I’m using proper English, and now you’ll have to censor the show. You bastard!

Stewie: My death threats have made it passed the censors, so I’m pretty confident that this shows will not be censored. In fact, you will probably look like an ass now. Uh-oh, I hope they don’t censor me.

Jeff Gordon: Oh well, interview me.

Stewie: Who was your first love?

Jeff Gordon: That would be my carburetor, Joanne.

Stewie: Do you have any idea what you just said.

Jeff Gordon: Actually I do know what I said. Thanks to Lays chips.

Stewie: For my second question, what is your I.Q.?

Jeff Gordon: You know, it is purnounced, “D.Q.”

Stewie: I could insult you twice right now, but it would be too easy. What does it feel like when you are racing on the track?

Jeff Gordon: The wind and heat glide and you watch your back and the rearview mirror watch number 22 take the turn don’t hit the wall and take a few more laps all thanks to Lays Dr. Pepper Pepsi and Pizza Hut!

Stewie: Jeff “No comma” Gordon. I understood a portion of that, Pizza Hut.

Jeff Gordon: I’m sorry. Sometimes I just get so worked up.

Stewie: Let me give it a shot… Jeff you’re a dumb ass piece of shoot and you’ll have a redneck life all your life and you don’t know what the hell a sentence is nor the paragraph and you have know idea what the word sarcasm means ‘cause you are a hic who wants to marry your cousin, (inhale) ,nobody wants your nonsense crap anymore.

Jeff Gordon: You’re not old enough to drive. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Stewie: Shut up!

Jeff Gordon: What I make a funny, and you can’t take it?

Stewie: How is that a funny? It’s not even true. I’ve driven plenty of vehicles and automobiles.

Jeff Gordon: Shut up!