Stewie's Interviews
Eminem
Stewie: This is possibly going to be the best
interview I have ever had. I’m interviewing the mom hating
man himself, Eminem. What’s up Eminem?
Eminem: Nothing man.
Stewie: Now tell me, have you
ever tried to kill your mother?
Eminem: No, that’s why I came
here. I have a few ideas though.
Stewie: What are the ideas?
Eminem: I can shoot her!
Stewie: That is your brilliant
idea? You are a frickin’ moron! Let me list all the
different things that could go wrong. The first thing is
that everybody knows you hate your mom. Secondly, the volume
of noise that would come from that gun would be
catastrophic. Thirdly, knowing your past, you would probably
be drunk or stoned when you tried to kill her. What the hell
is your problem?
Eminem: What do you suggest, yo?
Stewie: I suggest you hire me!
I’ll do the job for $20 and frame the person you hate.
Eminem: Could you frame my mom?
Stewie: No, no, no. Let me say
this so you can understand it. I’m going to go BOOM with a
gun so your mommy is no longer alive. I will make it so some
other person gets blamed.
Eminem: Sounds good.
Stewie: You were in that one
movie, right?
Eminem: Yes, I was in 8 mile.
Stewie: What is 8 mile? I was
talking about Malibu’s Most Wanted. That movie sucked.
Eminem: I wasn’t in that movie.
Stewie: You have a daughter,
right?
Eminem: I have one that I know
about.
Stewie: She must be pretty screwed up.
Eminem: Probably. I let her make
her own decisions. I was walking down the street with her
one day and two drug dealers came up to her. One was selling
crack for $100 and the other person was selling weed for
$45. She took the weed. I was so proud of her.
Stewie: Sounds like a real
angel.
Eminem: Not all the time. One
time she stole my whiskey. But at least she didn’t talk for
two days.
Stewie: It sounds like
she takes after her mother.
Eminem: Take that back or I’ll
kill you!
Stewie: What? Are you going to
shoot me? Ha-ha-ha-ha! Anyway, let’s talk about your
albums, Vanilla Ice.
Eminem: I’m Eminem. But you can
call me Slim Shady.
Stewie: I’d
rather not call you Slim Shady. It sounds kind of gay.
Eminem: Then
call me Marshall.
Stewie: I
don’t think you got the whole gay thing, did you? Marshall
is worse than Slim. Anyway, the song “My name is” you say
that your name is Slim Shady. You lied!
Eminem: I was
just saying…
Stewie: You lied! I’ve had it up to here with you, liar! I swore
to God that I would kill my mother and I intend to keep that
promise. Although, if I don’t keep my promise I go to hell. It is
kind of a win-win situation. Now in the song “Without Me,” you say
that the world is empty without you. What the hell were you talking
about?
Eminem: I was
trying to say…
Stewie: In
the song “The Way I am,” you say that you are whatever I say
you are. So, I now say that you love Barney. See, you don’t
love Barney do you? So you lied again! Who the hell do you
think you are? It’s like you think you’re George Bush. All
you do is lie!
Eminem: I don’t think that you are old enough to
understand my songs.
Stewie: How dare you insult me?
I tell you one thing, if I cleaned out your closet I’d
probably find you in it.
Eminem: I don’t get it.
Stewie: It was a gay joke. Keep
trying to kill your mother Slim. This ends this interview
with Vanilla Ice. This is Stewie saying “Look both ways
before you cross the road, because I’ll be the maniac in the
SUV trying to run you over.”
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