Stewie's Interviews
Homer Simpson
Stewie: Hello
potential casket residents and welcome to another interview.
This interview will leave you thinking “Who the hell writes
such crap?” Today I’m interviewing Homer Simpson. He’s not
as dumb as my father, but still unwise.
Homer: If I’m so dumb how come I
worked at the Kwik-E-Mart?
Stewie: Didn’t you get fired
from that job? Why didn’t you add the nuclear power plant?
Homer: Yes I did! I also was an
astronaut, a conductor for a monorail, a singer, a manager
for a horse, AND I almost succeeded in the real world. Oh,
and I also owned an elephant.
Stewie: That’s not a very nice
thing to say about your wife. Baa-zing!
Homer: I don’t get it, and that
is why it is funny.
Stewie: So you did so many
things in your life. That only means one thing… Your writers
suck!
Homer: Speaking of suck, have
you seen Maggie lately?
Stewie: Maggie? Say, is Maggie
available?
Homer: Yeah, you can have her
for the weekend. But after that you’ll have to bring her
back, because Marge might sense something is missing.
Stewie: That’s not what I mean.
How can I put this...? Has Maggie ever had a stroll in the
park?
Homer: Marge is always taking
her places so I’m sure Marge bought a stroller.
Stewie: No, I mean, does Maggie
have a boyfriend? Because I would be her boyfriend
immediately.
Homer: Why you little!!!!
(Homer strangles Stewie)
Stewie:
Ha! Is that your best
attempt at trying to kill me? Well, you’ll have to do better
than that fatty!
Homer: I’m not fat! Am I?
Stewie: You should
go on the McDonalds Diet. Eat McDonald until you get really
fat, and then when you get fat, you sue McDonalds. After you
sue McDonalds for eating their grease filled “Fat fillet”
you spend all the money on Subway so you can get thin again.
Homer: Babies and their
dumb ideas. It just so happens, I’m on a diet.
Stewie: What diet?
Homer: The Salad Diet. I eat
nothing but salad and then I put a whole lotta salad
dressing on it.
Stewie: And you expect to get
thin?!?!? Did you know that drenching your salad with
dressing is fattening? There are 12g of fat in one single
teaspoon of dressing. You incompetent orangutan!
Homer: I dunk it in so much
dressing I. Oh yeah, dressing! (Homer drools) Oh God, that’s
good stuff.
Stewie: Hello? Anybody home? I
just insulted you! Are you going to take that from me?
Homer: Oh, ranch, and Italian,
and other stuff that I don’t know the name of…
Stewie: How am I supposed to
insult you if you don’t even give a damn about my first
insult?
Homer: I think it’s called
Treasure Island, but I’m not sure. Oh yeah, baby!
Stewie: Do you have ADD?
Homer: Yes, I do have AD… Oh
look! A baby!
Stewie: Wow! This interview
really sucked. I mean sucked!
Homer: I love salad dressing,
because it tastes so good. Oh baby, it’s so good.
Stewie: What… Huh…. Who… Did you
get enough air when you were born?
Homer: How should I know? It’s
not like I was there!
Stewie: Well, that ends the
interview with a man with the strangest skin pigment I have
ever seen in my life. This is Stewie saying “Don’t talk to
strangers unless you are going to rob them.” Good-bye.
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