Stewie's Interviews
Alan Hale Jr.
Stewie: Hello. Who the hell is
Alan Hale Jr., you ask? Alan Hale Jr. is the Skipper from
Gilligan’s Island. How are you doing Skipper?
Alan Hale Jr.: I’m doing pretty
well Stewie. By the way, you can call me Alan.
Stewie: Well, nobody really
knows you as Alan, so I’ll just call you Skipper.
Alan Hale Jr.: That is why I
want you to call me Alan. Then people will know my name,
instead of calling me Skipper.
Stewie: Whatever you say Alan.
Now Skipper, how come you never got with Mary Anne or
Ginger?
Alan Hale Jr.: Probably because
the show wasn’t real. Please call me Alan.
Stewie: I’ll call you whatever
the hell I want to call you! I know the show was fake, but
if it were real, how come you never got together with any of
the ladies?
Alan Hale Jr.: They weren’t
attracted to me.
Stewie: Oh...Because you’re a
fat ass?
Alan Hale Jr.: Well, you just
wait one second here, buddy…
Stewie: Anyway, not one person
was attracted to you. Not even Mrs. Howell. Not one person
was attracted to you in any way. Nobody was attracted to you
ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
Alan Hale Jr.: That’s true.
Stewie: Hey Skipper, I think the
professor had the hots for you. So at least one person liked
you.
Alan Hale Jr.: My name is Alan
Hale Jr.
Stewie:
So I heard that you, the
skipper, played a person named Gilligan in Batman. Is that
true?
Alan Hale Jr.: Yes, it is. That
was a fun set.
Stewie: You only played
Gilligan
because you didn’t get to be Gilligan in your show.
Alan Hale Jr.: Wait a minute…
Stewie:
Oh yes, I forgot. It
isn’t your show. It’s Gilligan’s. Sorry Skipper! I’m not
really sorry.
Alan Hale Jr.: Shut the hell up!
Just shut the hell up or I’ll kick your ass so hard you
won’t be able to stand up. My name is Alan Hale Jr.!!!!
Alan!!!
Stewie: All this yelling is
turning me on! Usually, I’m the one yelling. Do it again
Skipper!
Alan Hale Jr.: You dumb, dumb,
dumb, dumb….. Dumb person!
Stewie: Well, I can tell you’ve
been working on your vocabulary. Anyways, Alan, Did
you hear about the untitled Gilligan’s Island reality show?
Alan Hale Jr.: No.
Stewie: Yes, they were trying to
find a nice way of saying “Survivor rip-off!” Now, it says
here, that you’ve been in porno.
Alan Hale Jr.: What are you
talking about?
Stewie: Don’t act innocent you
overweight thing. You were in Fantasy Island and The Virgin!
Alan Hale Jr.: It is “The
Virginian.” And I only guest starred in those.
Stewie: How dare you correct me?
You can just burn in Hell! You fat P.O.S! What the hell is
the matter with you? Does your gene pool have too much
chlorine in it or something? Good God!
Alan Hale Jr.:
Well, I can’t go
telling people that I was in porno.
Stewie: I
guess, because the pornography business would go down the
toilet. Ha! One last question. Why didn’t you kill Gilligan?
You would have gotten off that island so frickin’ fast.
Alan Hale Jr.:
It weren’t really stuck on the island.
Stewie: Why
don’t you shut the hell up!
Alan Hale Jr.:
Probably, because you are interviewing me.
Stewie:
Indeed.
Alan Hale Jr.:
Quite.
Stewie: This ends the interview
with the Skipper. Oh, his real name is… Um… Skipper. Well,
this is Stewie saying “Geez, I can’t even think of a
threat!” Good bye.
Dedicated to
Trevor
I wish I could have
known you
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