Stewie's Interviews
Walt Disney
Stewie:
Hello innocent
imbeciles. Welcome to another article which I call “Watch
Stewie gets pissed off at some polite optimist.” Today I am
interviewing Walt Disney. Walt Disney is also known as “The
Jackass who created Mary Poppins.”
Walt Disney: Well, I wouldn’t
say that I was a jack… Well, you know. Yes, I did create
Mary Poppins. What a fantastic journey through life, that
was!
Stewie: Wha… I… The… I uh…
Walt Disney: It’s alright
Stewie. Don’t be intimidated.
Stewie: Me, intimidated by you?
Ha-ha-ha! The only reason I was stuttering, was because you
made such a God awful remark. “What a fantastic journey
through life, that was!” It is those kinds of comments that
make me want to… They make me want to…
Walt Disney: Spit it out little
fella.
Stewie: How dare you! You know
what? I’m going to kick your ass. That bloody statement
makes me want to put a nook up my friggin’ ass, just so I
can concentrate on something more unpleasant. And I swear to
God; if you say “I’m pretty sure that’s not why you want to
stick the nook up your ass,”. I will obliterate you!
(There is a deathly silence.) So Walt, tell me about
yourself.
Walt Disney: Um, uh, okay. I
created…
Stewie: Okay. Okay. Interesting.
Okay, Go on. Don’t be shy.
Walt Disney: Like I was saying…
Stewie: Yeah? Go on. Keep goin’.
C’mon.
Walt Disney: I created Mickey
Mouse!
Stewie:
Oh… My… God! I heard the
funniest thing the other day. Is it true that you are afraid
of mice, yet you created Mickey Mouse? Good for you!
Walt Disney: Yes, that is true.
And good for you for not being shy about your sexuality.
Stewie: You pile of rotting
(Censored.) Can I even (Censored) on this program? No? So I
can’t say (Censored) at all? Well that sucks! I could
probably say (Censored) if I was on CBS. Did... Did you get
it? Did anyone get that?
Walt Disney: You have a
disgusting sense of humor. I am appalled being here.
Stewie: “Appalled?” For you,
that must be word of the day. Ha-ha! Now tell me the truth.
How are you doing?
Walt Disney: Um, well.
Stewie: Good answer. Next time,
don’t make the answer so long.
Walt Disney: Yes, oh yes. I am
also familiar with sarcasm.
Stewie: That is surprising. So,
were you born a moron?
Walt Disney: Good one Stewie!
Stewie: What the hell is your
problem? I insulted you! You just sit there and take it.
Walt Disney: Stewie, I can’t
“take” an insult.
Stewie: After this interview,
I’m going to beat you! I’m not kidding. You are pathetic.
Walt Disney: I wish I was
telepathic. Aren’t I funny?
Stewie: You know. If you didn’t
create animation, I’d be washing my prints, right now.
Walt Disney: Prints of what?
Pictures?
Stewie: Yes, I would be washing
my prints of my pictures. God, you’re incredibly foolhardy!
Have you ever been insulted in your life?
Walt Disney: Insulted?
Stewie: You know what? The less
time this interview takes to get done, the less time I have
to see you alive. I’m ending this interview, right now. This
is Stewie saying “If you fall of the horse, it’s probably
because I shot you off.” Good bye.
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